Frog

A guy walks into a bar with a frog growing out of his forehead. Astonished, the bartender shouts "wow, where'd you get that!! ? " the frog says, " I don't know, it started out as a wart on my ass!

Lottery Winner

There's this guy who's sitting in the bar he order's two pints at a time he drink's one of the pint's pours the other between his legs the waitress come's around again asks the guy if he'd like two more beer's,he replies yes two more pint's she bring's him two more pint's she then noticed that he drank one of the pint's and poured the other between his legs she asks him what are you doing sir "he say's"Well miss I just won the 649 Lottery and this is the only PRICK I'm sharing it with.

Drink Fast

This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 glasses and start filling them up with beer. So the bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him drinking them straight down. The bartender says, hay buddy whats your hurry? The man says if you had what I have you would do the same thing. The bartender backs up and says what do you have. The man says about 75 cents!

Superman

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk."

Mister Potato Head for President!

No, not Dan Quayle, the other Mister Potato Head.

We need someone we can trust in there, and if you can't trust Mr. Potato Head, then who CAN you trust? Hey, he can't do any worse than most of the others!.